Statement 140/365

20th May 2015 Miscellanea ( Double Open Diapason )

DANIEL: What’s the problem then? Don’t you think we’ll be able to get it upstairs?

ERNIE: It’s not the getting-it-upstairs that worries me so much: it’s the what-we’re-going-to-do-with-it-when-we’ve-got-it-up-there.

DANIEL: What do you mean?

ERNIE: Well, we’re just never going to have enough headroom for it.

DANIEL: But of course we are, Ernie. I’ve already told you: we can bore a hole through Grandma’s ceiling and let it up into the attic above.

ERNIE: Yes, but that still won’t give us enough headroom Danny.

DANIEL: It won’t?

ERNIE: Well, of course not. Not for a thirty-two foot Double Open Diapason.

DANIEL: Oh? How do you make that out then, eh?

ERNIE: Well, look here a moment! Grandma’s room is sixteen foot exactly from floor to ceiling ’cause I’ve measured. Okay?


ERNIE: And, for arguments’s sake, we’ll say that the attic is ten foot from floor to ceiling. Okay?

DANIEL: Yes, it’s about that I suppose.

ERNIE: Right. Well, sixteen foot plus ten foot plus six inches for the thickness of the floor-you-bore-your-hole-through will give you a total elevation of twenty-six foot six exactly. Now where are you going to accommodate the remaining seven foot six of your Double Open Diaspason?

DANIEL: (GRUDGINGLY, AFTER A PAUSE) Bit difficult , isn’t it.

ERNIE: Do you see what I mean Danny? There’s just not enough headroom to fit it all in. And it’s no good you suggesting that we bore through the slates and have it poking through the roof-top because that’d simply be asking for trouble. For one thing Mr Starkwedder’d see it.

DANIEL: Well, what are we going to do then?

ERNIE: Don’t ask me. That’s your problem, not mine.

DANIEL: (THOUGHTFULLY) Well, I suppose there’s only one thing we can do really.

ERNIE: Oh? And what’s that?